The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2013: Day 8

Well, here we are on Christmas day with our final sweater of 2013.  Day 8 really is the tannen-bomb diggity.  It will make you want to bow before it's plaid, ribbon boughs.  But what makes this cardigan exquisite are the beads and pearls that are scattered throughout, which really makes this piece pop.  Perfect evening elegance.  The stitching of zig-zag gives these threads some zig-swag and the tree cuffs pack that extra punch, just don't drag them through the punch.  Layered upon a teddy bear turtleneck, this fashion forward piece is not for the faint of heart.  Get the defibrillator ready when you walk in the door in this one. 

And just when you think it can't get any better...sweater got back.  Sassy snowmen in top hats making a cheerleader pyramid with Christmas trees!  Ready?  Ok! 

Thanks for sharing in the glory of the Christmas sweater this season.  Wishing you all a very merry Christmas and may the sweaters never overshadow the true Light of Christmas and the hope we have in Christ.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2013: Day 7

It's day 7.  T'was the night before Christmas and what could be better, than Santa and reindeer on the front of my sweater.  High fashion and neck warmth can be kind of tricky, but not when your blessed with a red, sewn in, dicky.  That's right, the turtleneck is just a clever illusion, one of the greatest fashion inventions of our time.  Impress all your friends this Christmas eve as you sully on up to the cheese ball.  They'll remark, "You look great, but aren't you sweating in two layers?"  You'll laugh as you've outsmarted them, lean in with one eyebrow raised, and reply, "it's a dicky."

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2013: Day 6

Day 6 brings with it a glorious get-up that almost brings me to a loss for words.  Almost.  But I'll muster something up, starting with a turtleneck fit for the dog days of Christmas.  Is there anything more iconic to the season than the terrier?  How about 101 Christmas canines on a high necked shirt, capped off with sleeves that are too long to be 3/4 sleeves and short to be regular sleeves.  The perfect base layer for what comes next.  A vest that portals us into the North Pole's genetic laboratory where secrets are revealed: Santa is cloned.  These bizarre floating cocoons bear what seems to be the primal forms of Ol' Saint Nick, complete with belt, beard, hat, and beady little eyes.  You can already smell the beef and cheese on these Santa Frauds.  That or they're just festive strawberries.  But my gut tells me it's the former.  I feel uncomfortable.

And just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder.  This guy.  I wonder if Sandra Bullock and George Clooney bumped into this guy as they all floated through space.  (I imagine him giggling like the Pillsbury Dough Boy...not George Clooney, the creepy little Santa cocoon).

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2013: Day 5

It's day 5 and what's better for a lazy Sunday afternoon than this cozy, poly-cotton blend.  After a morning at church is your best Christmas Taffeta, nothing feels more comfortable than sparkly jersey fleece.  Shovel the driveway in this fabulous yet functional sweatshirt and have your neighbours exclaiming, "oh holy night!"  And the elegance of the golden reindeer sleigh above a forest of shimmering winter trees will instantly bring you the street cred you deserve when you wear this to your next holiday b-boy battle.

It

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters: Seoul Sister Bonus Sweater

This year we have a special international bonus sweater to add to the collection!  I give to you my Seoul Sister, Dana.  I miss her dearly.

Annyeong haseyo!  Greetings sweater lovers from Korea. I'm usually behind-the-scenes on the "8 Days of Sweaters" but I'm stepping out of the shadows (boy, was it cold there!) and in to the limelight to showcase a Christmas sweater, Gangnam style.  There is a lack of thrift stores in Seoul (as Koreans prefer to buy new clothes) so I had to pay full retail for this gem.  It's worth it!  Santa's fluffy white beard applique is the star of the show as it pops against a midnight sky background, while his traditional rosy red cheeks are highlighted with machine embroidery.  In fashion-obsessed Seoul, Santa knows what's hot on the runway as he sports a cap in of-the-moment plaid.  And, although written in English, Santa's jolly laugh brings joy to children of any language.  This sweater is 5 year old Korean child approved.  I wish I could be ho ho home for the holidays but being a part of this magical annual tradition will have to do.  Merry Christmas to all!

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2013: Day 4

Giddy on up in this day 4 yee-hawliday dandy and dazzle all your friends at the ol' saloon.  Holster a couple candy canes to your belt and be ready to draw as cowgirls and boys alike will be chomping at the bit for this shirt.  It's sure to stop onlookers in their tracks as Santa rides the rails west in a tiny toy train from hip to pit.  With an embroidered collar of black velvet in that slow southern style, buttons as jet-black as the head of Elvis, and traditional wrinkle-bound fabric stitched with glorious snowflakes and Santa on cross midsection journey; this lean, mean, jean, machine will have onlookers falling into a burning ring of festive.  It's a sure thing.  Dare to be a diva in denim this Christmas, in a jean-on-jean fashion that will make Jay Leno proud. 

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2013: Day 3

Day 3 is a real nordic delight, boasting a waistline of enthusiastic cross-country skiers who seem to be playing a rousing game of "chicken" as they storm for the zipper.  If you put your ear real close you can almost hear them shriek, "I love skiing, I love skiing, and I don't care who knows it!"  And how couldn't you when you are skiing on a sweater, under a sky of pure angora snowflakes, straight from the rabbits back.  With it's polo collar this gem is perfect for that Country Club Christmas Soiree.

But wait!  What's that? It's a straggler that can't seem to keep up with his hip-hop-pity friends who have clearly left him to "take up the rear."  Poor fella.  It seems he might be following my skiing technique of: tense up, close eyes, scream "I can't stop! I can't stop!", crash into friends heels.  I'm sure by next year he'll be bunny hopping with the rest up them.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2013: Day 2

Day 2 bestows upon us an upper-class, elitist garment fit for the looker of the lodge.  This piece says, "I live a life of winter luxury and I'm not afraid to flaunt it on my sweater" and "yeah, I pay for the internet at my hotel."  Boasting an impressive display of activities such as skiing, skating, snowshoeing and a fancy drink in an Adirondack chair; this is the archaic and more fashionable version of posting Facebook photos that make the rest of us feel lazy, out of shape, and poor.  Pop the ribbed collar of this zip-up cardi as you saunter on over to the eggnog bar to put out the vibe.  The red accent piping and rolled cuffs add that special touch, while the falling embroidered snowflakes really take this sweater into high fashion.  And lets not forget the pop out fringes of the scarves that dance in the breeze as you walk by.  It just feels...expensive.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2013: Day 1

Well, ding dong merrily on high, the sweater bells are ringing!  And they are ringing in tones of festive knit splendor that will bring one to their knees.  I give you the sixth annual "8 Days of Christmas Sweaters," an event that has come to light the sunless northern days of my current existence.  But who needs sun when you've got a Christmas sweater, really.  Without further ado, here is the 2013 collection.  Let's begin...

The pioneer of the 2013 collection is this rustic little classic.  Doesn't it make you just want curl up in front of my torso with a hot cup of cocoa? The blanket stitching and puffed felt patches make it a real textural delight.  While two lonely snowflakes rest upon the lapel, Santa seems to have had to makes some cutbacks in the reindeer department.  Those things don't feed themselves.  Perhaps he will consider a hybrid team for next year.  Nevertheless, this biz-cas snowy scape upon a midnight blue sky sets sail to this years collection.

Vote!

It's time to exercise your sweater democratic rights and choose which one will be this year's champion!  Vote using the poll shown above. Polls close New Years Day.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2012: Day 8

Twas the night before Christmas and what could be better, than Santa and reindeer crossing your sweater.  On Dasher, on Danzer, on Prancer, on Vix....wait a second.  Looks like there have been cutbacks in the ol' transportation budget.  And not to mention it looks like Rudolph has been cloned and put on performance enhancing drugs to pull a sleigh with just three.  This winters-night marvel is an enchanting blend of wool, satin, tinsel, and bead-work.  Threads of silver and gold fly this sweater to the moon in a whirl of snowy elegance.  This is a sweater that says, "I'll be needing a bib because I CANNOT afford to get cranberry sauce on these threads."  

And so concludes the fifth annual collection of these fine festive sweaters.  I hope their magic has brought you as much joy as it has for me.  Thanks to everyone who has stopped by to take these posts in.

And now the sweaters are hung in the closet with care, as another year's past of high fashion wear.

Now is the time to say which is best, vote for your favourite, whether sweater or vest.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!

(Voting will commence Christmas day for one week to crown this years champion.  Be sure to stop by and let your voice be heard.)

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2012: Day 7

Oh holy night, the stars and stripes are shining.  You'll be in the 2% best dressed in the country in this star spangled stunner.  Day seven brings a little shock and awe to the Christmas season.  This sweater says, "who cares if it's Christmas, I live in the USA!"  This flagship sweater will have you flying at full mast this season with broader stripes than shoulders.  Armed with the twinkle of these hand beaded winter stars, this sweater is loud and proud with a hint of Christmas...but not to be outdone by.  I like to call this scene: Immigrants First Christmas.  Thanks to this sweater and it's land I have been given a new life, a fresh start.  It's only a pity that this country is not a tart-fearing nation like the one I hail from.  Because more than a fresh start, I'd like a fresh butter tart.  And don't be surprised if bald eagles are seen circling overhead, just keep a firm grip on your green bean casserole.  This high flying button up cardi will have people saying, "Oh say, can I see that sweater?!"

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2012: Day 6

Well, looks like we're still here so it's cause for cheer.  And if you like to look good, then you're going to want to wear this. And what's more fitting for celebrating Christ's birth than wrapping this dandy around your girth.   Had the Holy Land been set more in the arctic, I'm quite sure these polar bears would have attended the ice cave birth due to no room in the igloo. 

Day six holds a holiday humdinger that surely Mrs. Clause would love to get her paws on.  Simply spectacular.  It's head to waist decadence punctuated with polar bear Christmas fare.  Pop this detachable fur collar and give your neck a treat.  Complimented with it's matching fur pom pom toggles, this zip-up is pure animal skin luxury.  Hand beaded embroidered snowflakes add to the extravagance, as they fall upon polar bears all hopped up on Coca Cola.  With all that caffeine and sugar its no wonder they don't hibernate.  Instead they dress up in stocking caps, scarves and wreaths around their necks and dance upon your waistline.  Quite frankly, polar bears make the rest of bear community look like squares. You're going to like the way you look in this sweater, all furred up.  But do keep a watchful eye out for PETA and their flying paint.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2012: Day 5

Day five is a tribute to those cheeky yet stylish little Mayans (also, for those of you who choose to spend your Christmas' in Mexico instead of suffering in winter's abyss like the rest of us).  For those following your Mayan Advent Calander, here is an unorthodox seasonal treat fit for world's end.  So grab your last calendar chocolate and settle into this oversized doomsday delight.  Throwing the conventional Christmas colour pallet to the wind, which will most likely tornado back and smack us in the face as the sky falls, this woolen wonder boldly flaunts the colours of Easter while holding true to Christmas snowflakes of traditional sweater-wear.  In typical Mayan fashion, it must be predicting the death of Jesus even before His birth.  Sassy Mayans.  So throw on your favourite shade of apacolipstick, because this is definitely a sweater you want to be caught dead in.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2012: Day 4

Sometimes less is more according to day four.  Less fabric to cram in all the magic. You think the season is busy, just take a look at this sleeveless charmer that will have eyes crossing.  A frosty host of snowman lie in every which direction on picnic blankets, most likely because they got so dizzy looking at the rest of this vest.  Sprinkled in with hearts, flowers, snowflakes, foliage and gifts makes sure perfectly good vest space in not put to waste.  Layer this four button wonder over your favourite holiday high-kneck such as a turtle or mock, but be sure never to layer anything over-top.  A blazer with this bad boy is a serious vest violation.  Ditch the constricting sleeves of convention and fly free.  This look says, "by the power vested in me, I know pronounce this party started."

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2012: Day 3

Day three is sure to ruffle a few feathers this Christmas.  Nothing says "I'm feeling festive," like a trinity of Cardinals upon your chest.  There is nothing foul about this sweater, but it surely will set your little heart a flutter.  Nestled upon the softest jersey fleece, you will feel like you have your own down layer.  And the birds of these fabric boughs are sure to bring you some bows of your own in their presence. Accented by bejeweled diamonds along with a hybrid crew/v neckline brings this avian sensation from day to evening.  And the split rail fence adds a touch of country whimsey.  The visual pleasure these cardinals brings is simply carnal.  So lay down some newspaper and throw on a Christmas treat that is simply for the birds.  

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2012: Day 2

Behold, day two, a snazzy little number that will be sure to "spruce" up an holiday happenings this year.  You'll have guests "pining" for this tree trim trophy wear, in a sweater that exclaims "I'm the tanen-bomb!"  Upon a jet black, midnight sky, bedazzled rhinestone stars take this sweater into high fashion gear.  Simply ornate, enormous ornaments fall from the shoulder skies giving some dramatic flare, and also striking fear into those who might be so unfortunate to stand below such decorative missiles.  Once again, tinsel trim ordains the edges giving it the festive flash to create the ultimate tanenbaum-shell. 

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2012: Day 1

It's here!  The fifth Annual "8 Days of Christmas Sweaters" is finally upon us.  This years collection has gone international, courtesy of Anchorage, Alaska.  You would think that this close to the North Pole you would see some real dandies, but perhaps it is that in these parts people will just not part with their knit beauties for fear of freezing, or drowning in sorrow in the dark winter days without the joys of their sweaters.  Or perhaps the Clauses are hogging them all.  Whatever the case  I had to do some real hunting to find these.  So I dawned my classy American camo, hopped on my ATV and hit the thrift stores.  I feared this years collection would not come to fruition...but once again the magic of the sweater prevails and these little Christmas miracles were found.  So let us embark on an eight day sweater adventure that will bring us through the threads of glory that compose these festive treats.

The 2012 inaugural sweater is a classy knit celebrating the true Alaskan life.  Snowflakes amidst a dark, snowy abyss, this sweater is sure to send a chill down anyone's spine.  The black representing the unending nights and the white really accenting the ghastly and ghostly pale skin of all those who reside here.  With it's high neck and formal black and white colours, this number is a fancy fit for any black tie affair.  But the real festive twinkle lies in the tinsel that is woven delicately throughout the garment.  It's glitz, it's glam, it's glorious.  If you aren't crowned Ice Queen of the Christmas soirée in this get up the world has probably ended.

An Exhaustive Guide for the Canadian Mennonite Entering US Military Life

An Exhaustive Guide for the Canadian Mennonite Entering US Military Life

Forward:
I'm beginning an extensive manual designed to help people such as myself transition from one lifestyle to the next.  Growing up as a Canadian Mennonite my exposure to the military was minimal to say the least.  First, Canada is not the militaristic superpower we appear to be.  And secondly, being raised in a pacifist upbringing where my only exposure to military was an occasional singing of "I'm in the Lord's Army" and the annual airshow where the planes of war did tricks and skywriting in the air, did not prepare me well for what I am now experiencing.  Therefore, I am compiling my observations and experiences for those who follow after me as I'm sure there are many.

CHAPTER 1

1.  Everything will be an acronym.  There are acronyms for acronyms.  When entering a conversation you will feel the confusion you did as a small child when your parents would spell out things to one another so that you couldn't understand what they were talking about.

2.  Do not be offended if someone asks you if you are PCS'ing.  This is also asked of men.  It means Permanent Change of Station and has nothing to do with women's health.

3.  At 17:00 (5pm) a horn will sounds.  Everyone must stop what they are doing and face the nearest flag while they play the Star Spangled Banner.  Do not keep running around a track while this happens.  They will not play the Canadian Anthem after.  You will have to sing it to yourself or get your spouse to sing it to you.

4.  You must get used to the presence of artillery and planes of war flying overhead. 

5.  You must stop and present your new military ID to a guard upon entering the base.  If you do not stop they will shoot you.

6.  As a comfort to the Mennonites, you can buy your groceries at a grocery store on base for much cheaper than the regular grocery stores.  But you will not call it a grocery store, you will call it a
Commissary.
     6a.  There may be a very friendly Philippino woman who bags your groceries and insists on helping you to your car with them even though you are very able bodied.  She will be very friendly and you will just want to hug her because she is the only one you have talked to all week.  This may happen several times and then you are informed by your spouse that you are supposed to tip said dearest lady.  You will then feel awful for betraying your one and only friend on base.

7.  Get used to being called Ma'am. 

8.  People are very loyal to the USA.  Do not comment on the quality of NBC Olympic coverage in public. 

.... to be continued

Moose on the Loose...

I ran to the window and what did I see?  A mama moose and her babies staring at me.  And such is life in Alaska where on your trailer doorstep you find these big ol' mammals.  Now, although they look a little goofy and and quite adorable it's best not to get too close, despite what Bullwinkle has taught us (and Joey from Full House).  These can be some dangerous animals, especially when you get between a mother and her mooselettes (that's the scientific latin word for moose babies).   

These flowers are delicious.  Make sure to eat all your stems, son.

You got a little something in your teeth.  How embarrassing.