An Exhaustive Guide for the Canadian Mennonite Entering US Military Life

An Exhaustive Guide for the Canadian Mennonite Entering US Military Life

Forward:
I'm beginning an extensive manual designed to help people such as myself transition from one lifestyle to the next.  Growing up as a Canadian Mennonite my exposure to the military was minimal to say the least.  First, Canada is not the militaristic superpower we appear to be.  And secondly, being raised in a pacifist upbringing where my only exposure to military was an occasional singing of "I'm in the Lord's Army" and the annual airshow where the planes of war did tricks and skywriting in the air, did not prepare me well for what I am now experiencing.  Therefore, I am compiling my observations and experiences for those who follow after me as I'm sure there are many.

CHAPTER 1

1.  Everything will be an acronym.  There are acronyms for acronyms.  When entering a conversation you will feel the confusion you did as a small child when your parents would spell out things to one another so that you couldn't understand what they were talking about.

2.  Do not be offended if someone asks you if you are PCS'ing.  This is also asked of men.  It means Permanent Change of Station and has nothing to do with women's health.

3.  At 17:00 (5pm) a horn will sounds.  Everyone must stop what they are doing and face the nearest flag while they play the Star Spangled Banner.  Do not keep running around a track while this happens.  They will not play the Canadian Anthem after.  You will have to sing it to yourself or get your spouse to sing it to you.

4.  You must get used to the presence of artillery and planes of war flying overhead. 

5.  You must stop and present your new military ID to a guard upon entering the base.  If you do not stop they will shoot you.

6.  As a comfort to the Mennonites, you can buy your groceries at a grocery store on base for much cheaper than the regular grocery stores.  But you will not call it a grocery store, you will call it a
Commissary.
     6a.  There may be a very friendly Philippino woman who bags your groceries and insists on helping you to your car with them even though you are very able bodied.  She will be very friendly and you will just want to hug her because she is the only one you have talked to all week.  This may happen several times and then you are informed by your spouse that you are supposed to tip said dearest lady.  You will then feel awful for betraying your one and only friend on base.

7.  Get used to being called Ma'am. 

8.  People are very loyal to the USA.  Do not comment on the quality of NBC Olympic coverage in public. 

.... to be continued

Moose on the Loose...

I ran to the window and what did I see?  A mama moose and her babies staring at me.  And such is life in Alaska where on your trailer doorstep you find these big ol' mammals.  Now, although they look a little goofy and and quite adorable it's best not to get too close, despite what Bullwinkle has taught us (and Joey from Full House).  These can be some dangerous animals, especially when you get between a mother and her mooselettes (that's the scientific latin word for moose babies).   

These flowers are delicious.  Make sure to eat all your stems, son.

You got a little something in your teeth.  How embarrassing.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2011: Day 8

The day has come.  Christmas eve, the day before our Savior's birth, and finale of the 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2011.  This sweater season draws to a close with a snappy, button up number that shows it is definitely hip to be a square, especially with squares on your hips.  Straight from the sweater patch, this sweater is drenched in extravagance with hand sewn pearls bedazzled in nearly every square.  It's blanket stitching brings this elitist sweater accessible to the working class and it's use of an icy colour palate harkens images of the the Detroit Lions football team, representing a working class city.  Wear this to your annual Christmas eve NFL football viewing and you'll be the star of the show.

And so another season draws to a close.  Eight days, eight sweaters, but there can only be one winner.  Voting will commence on Christmas Day to crown this year's best in show.  Thanks for sharing in the magic of what a little yarn and glitter can do.  Don't stop believing...in the power of sweater. 

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2011: Day 7

Day 7 is a reindeer wonderland.  And what is better than rampant reindeer frolicking wild on a well crafted vest?  How abut rampant reindeer in red scarfs on a well crafted vest.  I prefer to see them as scarves and not the results of a massive reindeer massacre.  Embroidered with glitter golden thread the antlers and snowflakes add a Christmas punch to this three-button sweater vest.  The advantage to this sleeveless ditty is that you won't be dragging your sweater sleeves through the gravy again this year at Christmas dinner.  Less gravy on your sweater and more gravy on your plate.  Win win. 

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2011: Day 6

On day 6 we are treated to a knit winter scape like no other.  Three marshmallow cabins sit nestled amidst the midnight mountains while snow falls all around, even down your arms.  It's a sweater so magical that even tulips are blooming in the bleak mid winter.  But what really sets this number against the rest is it's country club chic popped collar, a rare find in knit sweaters.  Play a round of winter golf, tennis or polo in a sweater that is sure to exceed any dress code.  Show off your country cottage at your country club all in one easy wear.  This sweater says, "baby, it's cold outside...but I don't care cause I'm sweating on the inside and I look amazing in this sweater."

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2011: Day 5

Day 5 brings with it a visual smorgasbord that almost seems like a giant clothing Magic Eye.  Perhaps if you stare at it long enough a Christmas surprise will come popping out at you.  Why not pay tribute to the busiest of seasons with the busiest of clothing.  This little number is a real trip...and may make you feel like you are on a drug induced one yourself.  Layered atop of a turtleneck of miniature floating Santa's, sits a vest to rival all the rest.  Well dressed ice skating polar bears bring us back to a time when polar bears could actually skate on ice that could hold their weight.  And bears resting on each lapel hold candle vigil, praying that Coca Cola could one day save their dying habitat with fancy cans that trick sugar conscious patrons.  Dawn this vest and high-necked number and head to the mall, where you will really get people's blood pressure spiking as they grasp to take it all in.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2011: Day 4

Day 4 brings a touch of the unconventional in the most dramatic Christmas sweater ever.  Fit for the drama king or queen in your life, this knit number says I'm the star of the show and I won't conform to traditional festive wear.  But its glittering gold thread embellishment, and gold satin embroidery stand true in making this a fine festive fit...and perfect for the bi-racial couple.  Floating faces amidst odd geometrics, it's perhaps just the sweater Picasso would wear to while digging into some Christmas cheese ball before heading off to the theatre.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2011: Day 3

It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood,  a beautiful day for a sweater, would you be mine?  This Rogers-esque delight would bring Christmas cheer to any neighbourhood.  With a heart for leaping reindeer this little dandy will make you the belle of the library Christmas ball.  Leaving no cuff unturned, the embroidery on this button up cardi will be sure to silence those who used to laugh and call you names...and you'll be a shoo-in for any reindeer games.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2011: Day 2

Day two brings with it a taste of divinity fit for your Sunday best.  Angels we have heard on high!  Some say it's better to be seen than heard...and we're definitely glad to see these three little crocheted wonders who make quite the statement.  Flitting and floating amidst a nights sky of gigantic snow flakes, these little celestial beings really light this sweater up.  A classy silver zip-up closure stops just in time to reveal some sass, forcing you to bear a little holiday skin, and creating quite the visually captivating neck line.  Wear this to your next holiday party and you'll have your guests exclaiming, "in excelsis deo!"

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters 2011: Day 1

Day one of the fourth annual "8 Days of Christmas Sweaters" is here! The day has come upon me like a thief in the night.  Eight glorious days to celebrate the creation and aesthetic pleasure of the Christmas sweater.  I've decided to take a brief hiatus from the planning of my upcoming nuptials to remember the real meaning of Christmas...festive garments.

The 2011 collection's maiden voyage sweater is a little number fit for a casual December Saturday inflating your giant lawn nativity scene.  From Jersey Shore to jersey fleece this is the perfect accessory to your "gym, tan, laundry" lifestyle.  Nothing says Christmas like tobogganing teddy bears and with these two BFF's across your chest you'll send the message that you are compassionate and playful, yet stylish.  And you'll keep people on their toes when they try and figure out if that's a trendy cropped sleeve...or your sleeves are just too short. 

Christmas Day Sweater Sisters 2011

One month later, here is a sampling from our annual Christmas Day Sweater Sisters shoot.  

CLICK HERE

The Cats Take the Cake

You came, you saw, you voted, and day 7 is the pick of the litter.  As we move into awards season it's only fitting that we begin with the winner of the third annual 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters.  Six cats are the top dog in 2010.  Running away with the vote, this sweater is the clear champ.

Thank you to all who participated in this seasons festivities and for all your kind comments!  Look forward to the magic of 2011.

Special thanks to those who contributed to this years collection:
Dana Storey
The Allen Family
Betty Anne from Above the Underground for selling me the festive turtleneck
The City of Belleville for letting those gems go

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters: Day 8

Well, here we are on day 8 of the third annual "8 Days of Christmas Sweaters."  Tis almost bittersweet.  And so Christmas eve has found me...with four giant teddy bears across my torso.  What better way to cap off this year's collection than with an over-sized cardigan with over-sized stuffed bears, big enough to contain all the love and joy of Christmas eve.  2010 has been a very teddy Christmas, so it's only fitting to end on this Hollywood Squares style sweater that features teddies in all their glory.  You'll be the "bearer" of Christmas cheer wherever you go in this happy little number, punctuated with heart cuffs and star buttons.  And no need to feel guilty stuffing yourself at the Christmas table, as you will be in good company.

Merry Christmas and thank you for joining me in this celebration of the Christmas sweater, I hope it has brought you much joy as it has to me!

(note: voting will begin on Christmas day for your favourite sweater of 2010)

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters: Day 7

Today's selection is really the pick of the litter, the "Catillac" of Christmas sweaters.  Teeming with festive felines, this ol' ball of yarn is literally glowing with tinsel-like fibres woven through.  Fluffy, angora white kitties prance about with antlers and Christmas trees on their back, while their darker counterparts model the season's fashions while sledding, toting gifts on their backs and stars on their tails.  You'll be the cat's meow at any holiday event with this purrrfect Christmas sweater.  You can enjoy the cheese ball, while your sweaters coughs up a hair ball. 

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters: Day 6

This vest is simply nutcracker sweet.  The elegant simplicity that accompanies this knit classic really packs an unexpected festive punch.  Sometimes you just don't need sleeves to make a statement.   Lined in threads of golden, two nutcrackers stand poised and ready for a good time–one ready for the drum line and the other ready to let loose to the beat.  The intricate bead and sequin detailing on their uniforms is second to none, standing up to even the finest Bejeweler.  And the golden tassel zipper accent brings with it pomp and circumstance, as if straight from a graduation cap.
The festive turtle neck is the perfect accompaniment to today's selection.  Splashed with trees, skis and unidentifiable red squares, it boasts a neck that is neither too constrictive nor too loose. 

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters: Day 5

We are on track towards the homestretch with day five's fashion leading the way.  Straying ever so slightly from the traditional Christmas colour pallet in shades of mint on midnight, it offers a refreshing change from the norm.  There is a noticeable Charlie Brown quality to this knit number that  endears itself to ones heart, making it the perfect fashion choice for picking out that perfect tree.  There's no "flaking" it, this sweater will make you love life.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters: Day 4

It's black velvet in that little snow pile, black velvet in a classy snowman's style.  Today's "vestive," holiday piece brings a note of elegance to this years collection that says, "I'm a dignified lady who can own three skating snowmen on my vest."  With hand embroidered snowflakes and fluffy, textured snowman amid a canvas of velvet, the tassels on the scarves that project themselves from the garment really add a saucy flare to this soft-spoken number.  Throw on your favourite Christmas satin blouse underneath and transition from daytime to evening with ease in this versatile vest.  Straying from the traditional notions of Christmas sweater, this vest brings a modern twist on a conservative classic.  (Need I remind you of last years champion...The Goose Vest).

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters: Day 3

Today's the day the teddy bears have their Christmas...on a red, knit cardigan.  Whether cross-country skiing, tobogganing, or simply holding a star by it's tail in some sassy pin-stripped pants, these bears know how to have a good time amidst snowflakes the size of their heads.  Framed in edgy black ribbing, how can one "fourbear" getting into a festive spirit in this little cropped dandy? 

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters: Day 2

The second day of sweaters is highlighted with patchwork pizazz!  This hand embroidered little diddy transitions from quilted bedspread to fashionable outerwear with ease.  Tartan plaid in one corner accents this sweater's Scottish charm as reindeer frolic over blossoms above...a popular Christmas highland games event.  But what really elevates this sweater is the liberal dosage of shoulder padding tenderly sewn in, perfect for playing on the defensive line in Sunday's game or simply barreling through the mall crowds.

The 8 Days of Christmas Sweaters: Day 1

Welcome to the third annual "8 Days of Christmas Sweaters," an event designed to celebrate that magical little garment that brings festive cheer to far and near.  I refrain from the use of crass terminology, such as "ugly" or "cheesy," as some have come to label this genre of clothing.  But let us simply let the sweaters speak to what they truly are...magnificent.

Our inaugural sweater to this season's collection boasts both fashion and function.  With it's sassy zip-up closure, making it a breeze to dawn when you need a little Christmas flair in a pinch, this sweater really has presence.  Pop the collar on this cardi to emphasize the gold, blanket stitch that sets this beauty apart from the pack.   With teddy on your hip you can "bear" even the dullest Christmas party.